Refreshing The Body & The Soul

I awakened this morning thinking it was going to be a great day, as far as my days with RA go.  My mind was clear.  Everything had crisp edges.  Everything was bright.  Aha, I thought!  No brain fog today. 

Two hours later, I was a completely different person.  The mind fog was back, and it was thick!  Undaunted, I pushed myself to get into my little Ford Ranger truck and drive myself to town.

I live in the country, so “town” is 30 minutes away.  I really wanted a hair cut.  I put haircuts off until I just can’t stand it anymore, and then I am past ready to go.

Methotrexate has not caused me to lose any hair, but the hair it leaves me with is dull and dry as straw.  I use hair products to help, but they cannot work miracles.

I have also been injecting Actemra for two months now.  I may be wrong, but it seems to me that Actemra only compounds the hair “issues”.

So, there I was, driving down a country road, windows rolled down and the wind blowing in my face.  The sun was shining, and I was enjoying the first-day-of-Spring sunshine.

I should have been feeling glorious, but I was only half glorious.  The longer I drove, the more I felt as though I were moving through concrete.  I was stiff.  I was slow.  I was tired.

I made it to town, and managed to sit in the stylist’s chair and not fall asleep as she cut inches of dry hair off of my head.  That, at least, was relaxing. 

I left the hair stylist feeling about the same as when I went in, except my hair was much lighter.  I drove to my husband’s place of employment and picked him up for lunch.  God bless his heart, he didn’t say anything unflattering about my new hair cut.

My husband prefers my hair a little longer, but he understands my dilemma.  It is difficult for me to take care of my hair.  Stiff shoulders and finicky wrists make hair styling such a chore.

My partner of 36 years and I drove to a restaurant that specializes in smoked meats, and had the best hamburger I have hand in years.  Now that I am not out every day working, a good hamburger is a treat.

Again, my husband did not protest, even though I know he eats out five days a week for lunch.  Most of the fare in our small time is also of the hamburger variety.  I am blessed to have such a supportive husband.

After lunch, I drove my husband back to work, and headed home.  I thought maybe I was feeling a bit better, but soon I discovered I was not read for prime time yet.

I took the back roads home.  I didn’t trust myself behind the wheel on the highway.  I had not taken any break-through pain meds.  What I was feeling was simply the heavy, heavy weight of RA fatigue bearing down on my body.

Once home, I took a two hour nap, followed by pain medicine.  I am feeling a bit better now, but still not ready for prime time.

Isn’t it strange how we can feel almost good one minute, and awful the next?  Actemra has knocked down my inflammation markers.

I still have swollen and tender joints, but I was hoping the oppressive fatigue part of our disease would stop ambushing me at the most inopportune times.  Alas, it is not so. 

I know better than to try to fight RA fatigue.  The only thing to do is to rest, and to take pain medications if necessary. 

I did go outside and sit on my porch this first day of Spring.  I removed my socks and shoes so that I could feel the cool porch beneath my feet.

The wind blew through my hair, and the sun warmed my body.  I took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.  My soul was refreshed, and that cannot be bad for a body that needs refreshed, too.